If you saw things thru my eyes, you would knw how scared I am to cross this line.
Idk how my 98% seriousness faded off to .... Right now, you just can't seem to leave my mind. But it just doesn't feel right, esp when he's my good friend who obviously still wants you back. And somehow, I feel like I should be moping around for a bit more and you too. But then again, I feel like it's just it. I can make things for the best, I can be yr happily ever after for now. I'm looking at you in another way I didn't use to, I'm feeling smth somewhat stronger from the past. But I'm scared to. I'm so scared I'll screw this up and this time, I'll lose you fo'real.
......
I just feel like hiding in a hole.

the time is now

There’s always a difference between having a girlfriend, even if you guys communicate less than 10 sentences a day and argue for that 9 sentences, and not having one. Even if you two have been arguing and quarreling, there is this invisible string/thread that ties the both of you to each other and no matter how thin the thread has become bcos of how much you two have faded.. It’s still there so long you both knw that you two are still in it.

-

I can feel the heartache coming on, the familiar heartache everytime smth unpleasant happens to us. Can’t deny that I am a little relieved bcos it’s true we have been going on like this for a while and it’s causing more than just a bit of strain. Can’t say the same to how much I/’ll miss you bcos you have indeed been a huge part of my life and you have indeed been the hardest I’ve fought for. I still don’t knw how I agreed to put myself thru so much for someone I couldn’t really see the first time I saw her. But, thank you bcos.. You have opened up a side of me I never thought I would ever again. I did not have much but I gave you the best of me. You kinda showed me that one can still love someone even no matter how ugly the past was. We had our differences all along but those differences showed up at the later stage bcos we didn’t want to compromise. We were the best but we lost ourselves along the way. I guess I wanted to feel like I could be the one you change for, not so much of bcos I couldn’t accept who you really are.

I may have strayed in my thoughts, my eyes, but my heart was yrs to keep right from the start. You were the queen of my heart.

I reckon we would might have been able to work out if we had been older, promises of forever and always would have been easier to keep and we would have dealt our differences with a higher level of maturity. Or at least for me. We are young, I am young, but I meant it anyway when I asked if you would marry me.

Thank you for keeping my heart in a safe place for the past 2years. Here’s yours, keep it safe, give it to someone that will treat it better than I did.

-

But once you guys agree that you two are done, the string snaps that second you two say yr goodbyes.

-

For now.

I guess all I’m really saying is .. We are done.

-

Take care.

Love, Me.

Last night, I fell in love without you

Whoop so I dreamt you were freaked out by the things I did.
You're asleep and I wonder if you're having a sweet dream. Could be anything in the world..
Yr exams are coming soon, I'm sorry for spilling out on you like that.
Hope yr house issues don't get to you, I promise to help you. All you need to do is rmb that I'm here and I have the ability to help.
I uh, miss you. But lately these iloveyous imissyous are 1/10 in a hundred words we speak to each other.
I guess it bothers me abit that I tweet abt you, I write abt you(not here) and you basically have all the affection for everyone else in the world.

You knw how it feels when you're holding sand and it just slips right out of yr palms?
You're the sand in my palm.

If you're reading this at all, I hope you have a good day today. I kept you in my heart and I hope you never go away.
I love you.

I wish we could fall in love all over again.

TGIF, it's the end of the week. But I have work piling up and exams coming soon .. I feel like I have a lot of time that I'm not using it wisely. I spend it getting my emotions wrecked and let it affect my mind while I'm suppose to be concentrating, I get distracted by technology. I wonder if I am bipolar. I was in a state of I just wanna shower you with all the love I had in the world, but now. I'm in a state of .. I just wanna go for a run and study and run and study and the cycle continues.

So this is locked up or I reckon it is. I wish I could be indifferent to how indifferent you were to me. I'm sorry.

2235

Today felt a tad weird. But anyway. I'm thinking if I should lock this up. Should I?

so, stand close to me, dont sail away baby

I just saw a mother n son on a holiday, makes me feel like having one with my mom. .. Looked back two years ago and realized how different I was from the current me. We used to talk for hours on end, now it is as though whatever we say don't interest each other anymore. Or I could be just as paranoid.

So I got up early, ate my breakfast and cleaned up my house did my chores, spent a good 15 mins solely on playing with my dog. Not alot but still. I haven't got that much homework done as well but I feel a tad more productive bcos I am not so confused over what to do for my essay anymore.

(Hi Sharene Lau, you're abt the only other besides idk who reading this, can't let you knw enuff that you're beautiful to me. And you're my one and only, I love you)

Another week

Today is a new beginning to another week of school. Nothing much really happened except that I feel extremely unproductive today and it's making me feel really guilty.
Thr was this period of time whr I could follow this routine of sleeping at 1030 and getting up for sch, and jog and study. I don't recall myself having any happy/sad moments during that period of time but at least I got things done. I was disciplined, so disciplined. I wonder how I did that, and I really wish I can get that self back but with a little more balance. First up, I shall get up early to exercise and have brekkie and start on my work. I'm really looking forward to going home but I am afraid of the changes I might need to face when I get back. And if you knw me, I don't really like that much changes in my life even if they are good.
Note, don't let insecurities get to you. Another note, trust no one. Third note, rmb all of that.

I knw you can read this from right behind me

But go on. I miss those red cushions in my room where I sit and read stupid blogposts and type equally stupid blogposts that don't matter 2 years ltr. I feel like I've lost all my friends since I came over.And uh. I knw you knw this place now, it's late and sch starts early in the morning for both of us. We should sleep although I am in the mood of going sleepless and force myself to run a long while tmr. I miss the culinary sch in terms of me being so tired, I can't even think. Everyone has their own life period

It's like I was sharing a secret and you eavesdropped.

That book is somewhat like my best friend whom I update every few months. I'm not afraid of what you might find out of what I thought abt you and everyone else. But more like.. You saw into the deepest darkest side of me I've been trying to hide from everyone else. And I'm not proud of that side of me, I am ashamed.