mothership arrives

I can't decide if the recent 'depletion with no replenishing option yet' event was a good thing. It sucks because I find myself more restrained than ever, but at the same time, I am looking at things in a totally different way. I did not buy things as readily as before, because it came down to a question of "Is this a want or a need?"

Yes, I guess it made me more thrifty (which is always a good thing).

I was clearing out my room the other day, and then I realised how reluctant I am to throw shit away. There's always a reason for something to stay, "This sock was given to me by mom, doesn't matter if it's about 6 years old. No holes, no go."

I used to call my dad a hoarder, but I am starting to see why certain things just can't go as easily. I am keeping all these things given by my folks because Lord knows when a particular item would be their last and I wanna keep every single thing. I guess we are all sentimental like that.

On another note, my mother will be arriving in 12 hours!

sentimental

It's always the case where I find myself with too much words to say that I needed to pen it down and when I finally get down to it, my mind fails me. 

It's that way right now. Earlier, I wanted to write the things I would have if I had a proper diary to write it down but now even then, I can't find the words to express my thoughts. 

A month and more has passed ever since I came over to forge a new life. Except, right now, with no legal rights given to work, I can't do anything else but sit back and play (and wait for my visa to be granted). That would have been a very welcoming description of a life to choose except it sucks if you only have money flowing out of you rather than incoming. My mother is coming over in a matter of days, and I have absolutely no idea on how am I gonna break it to her that the money she gave me... they're slowly but surely finishing. 

This morning, I woke up with the smell of (specifically, fried) food in my room. In between slumber and conscious state, I thought I was back in Singapore for a while. In a few moments, I imagined I would hear my mom knocking on my door to wake me up. Later, I would hear my dad calling everyone else to come and eat. I would pull myself awake and get out - to be greeted by the familiar humidity in the air and my dad sitting there with the wooden chopsticks clasped in his hands. He would smile that familiar grin and tell me to "Come eat". My mom would be going back and fro from the kitchen to the dining table carrying different types of food she prepared with each trip. 

I know my answer would always be, "Don't want, I am going out for a run." But today, just today, I would have traded anything to just be greeted with that familiar scene and instead say, "Let me brush my teeth first." 

I am 24 now. Nothing's changed except for the number of years I've lived.