h

e

What do I say?

What do I say??

What do I say???

"I made a mistake and I am continuing to make the same mistake."

-- 

l

Am I the only one that sees myself as truly incapable of doing something right or does everyone sees it in me to be doing everything right? 

 

-- 

p

What do I tell everyone?

On top of everything else, I am so sorry for I have disappointed you. All of you. I know everyone has/had high hopes for me because before me there was this, before that there was that... and then it's me now.  and I don't know what to say. 

I think I have disappointed myself the most and here I am, still trying to escape. 

--

.

cause and effect

I remember the first defeatist thought in my life - the one where I was leading but I was afraid and it let to... me not wanting to try harder or maintain the status quo because I was afraid of trying so hard only to fail in the end. And I can remember the exact same sequence and what happened and where it was and how I felt exactly.

And for some reason, I feel like this attitude has stuck around somewhat. The whole idea of just giving up before you actually go in further or putting in your best efforts and knowing that you did and losing it all despite all your best efforts and good intentions.

Anyhow, I am simply tired so don't mind me.