the show is over

i'm the kind of person that wishes for smth to happen and when it finally happens, i wonder why did i even wish it in the first place. take my current situation now. i kinda missed being sick and now that i am, i am feeling hot and cold and nauseous and sane all at the same time.
today, someone had an intention of passing me medicine and even if the medicine never got to me, i felt like that someone passed me the medicine anyway. its the thought that counts right? k. my dog just conveniently placed his ass in my face. goodnight im going to merge with me bed.

Hi Charis, I may be miles away from you, but yknw, I'm always here for you, whenever you need me to. A few more months till we hang out at my playground ok? This time we will arrange an earlier timing so I won't be so tired out and my mom wouldn't be an unhappy bitch and my flight wouldn't be the next day. Dk what else to give you, but I guess a virtual kiss on yr forehead? It will be okay.
:)

p.s. we are going to have an awesomeeeee christmas, wait for me!

I wonder what is it like from yr point of view, what is really going thru yr head. And I know I have to be on my toes most of the time now, bcos if I let slip anything, I will fall back. I had this long essay typewritten out in my head, but I'm thinking, it's not right. I just finished time traveler's wife, I feel like a friend of mine died. I don't always feel that. You're the book I never wanted to finish but I had to anyway even if I really hated the way it ended. I'm back to thoughts being all over the place, bcos right now, my mind can't just stay in one place, in one timezone. And I'm going to ikea tmr, rmb to get the bed thingy for stephy and ironing board for charissa. I need to go for a run tmr, bcos it is the only thing I found constant, to keep me sane. I'm not sad.

"Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?"

My posts do not necessarily mean it is directed to anyone that reads this. But anyway, here's one fo'sure. From my pov, when you start anything with someone new, start with a clean start. Try as you might to not have any soft spots for anyone else, bcos if you do, it's more than likely going to hinder anything you're going to have. Well for me at least, I don't think I can start to really feel anything for someone else if I still have someone I have a soft spot for.

I am surprised by how calm I dealt with reality now that I am back, obviously there is still this wooooooooahouch feeling but yknw, I'm happy if you are. And I'm happy if you are. That's for anyone and everyone that I care about unless you're the indian that stays opposite me or the china lady behind the store bcos well, I don't exactly care whether you're dead or alive.

Ok. Shall try to stop being racist, since there is an increasing number of indians involved in conversations I'm having with people and I met a really friendly indian earlier.
But for now. .. . . . . ...
I shall go running, I love running. Literally. Not figuratively. And I miss my friends.

I'm ready to go, I'm not ready to leave.

So right now, I'm doing what I do best currently. I'm reading(listening) to what someone else has to say. I'm just thinking.. If I listened a bit more and not run away a few years back, you might have been different and not how you are right now. I talk about you like you don't matter but. You do. I still have this feeling that you turned out this way bcos of me and right now .. I guess I'm being selfish by avoiding you altogether now.

I'm leaving tonight for another 6 months, it's nice to know that people I have hung out with almost everyday since I came back are going to miss me when I'm gone even if it's just 6 months. And as for you, you don't even know I came back and I would like to leave it that way. I guess, I still miss how you used to be even if it was a long time ago.