+5

And here it is, the last weekend spent as a resident in Melbourne City.

I could, I could apply for a PR next year but I am thinking if I would really do that. It just sounds so far away and a highly unlikely scenario even if mom and I discussed it fleetingly.

It's a cool morning, and possibly the last cool morning before I leave.

I'm sad, I really am - just thinking about it. My stuff were packed into boxes and shipped away yesterday. Memories of the old and the older packed and to be opened in an old environment yet so long ago that it feels new again. Things were simultaneously thrown out, memories were brought to the front memory and sorted out.

What memory did I want to keep? What memory did I rather leave it here and never face it again? What did I want to relive again even if the feeling could never be replicated ever again?

It's something new, packing all these things to go back to a place I would say "home"  in an instant but yet still feel so foreign at this stage. It still feels like a different life away.

My home here is moving in reverse and I feel a certain sense of dissonance with things. This disconnection that everything is playing in reverse, and the connection because I saw everything move chronologically.

I might break down when I leave, because it wasn't a life I wanted to give up. But I might also be relieved because it's a burden off my shoulders.

I don't have to worry about so many things anymore and I'll be with my parents. I thought I could always keep my temper in check but everytime when I quieten down my mind, there's always something to say sorry for and something I forgot to be thankful for.

I guess this is almost it. It's almost time to say goodbye.

But not yet.

But not yet.