Time

For a moment, as I close my eyes, I felt like I was back in Melbourne. Just for a moment, because the next I feel the sweltering heat, the low murmur in the background (because God knows why there's never a moment of silence in this part of the world - it is almost as though because there's too many people in such a small space that you can never escape from just that noise). 

Exam is coming up and it feels like it has been 10 years since I have studied in this house. I don't even think I studied for anything during my polytechnic days albeit a really short time I spent my life there. 

Nothing has changed I think, maybe apart from the fact that I have gotten a job since my last post. Nothing spectacular but the knowledge I gain each day is indispensable and I don't think it's anything I can get from anywhere else. Pay check low, but knowledge is king... right? 

And it's mid-year now. I can't keep up. The time is passing too fast. And there, I thought once in my adolescence years that the week will never end, but now? It's just passing too fast - I need something to cling on to. And it's not something I realise on a constant basis because there's always something to do but when I sit down and think about it. When I look at my mother (have I not realised she has a little more white hair now?), when I look at my father (and I know he is going to bed soon because he is just so damn tired). When I think about the thoughts in my head (future and stuff like that), when I hear things around me (Dexter is looking for a house soon), when I go for a run (I can no longer be that camel whom runs around at 12 noon for an hour straight), when I get back from work (and all I want to do is just curl up on my bed and... get ready for work the following day) and when I look at my girlfriend (and think about all the possibilities tomorrow might bring, and some forgotten). 

I am in a home where everything is still the same and in a sense, it makes me feel like time has not changed at all. I am still running around in my diapers, and Dexter is just hanging around somewhere waiting to play a prank on me. My oldest sister is looking out for me, and Charissa is reading a book somewhere. Somewhere in the background, my mom will be calling all of us to have our dinner. My brother isn't around because he is in the states somewhere. I think. My memory is all jumbled up but that doesn't mean they did not happen. If anything, I choose to believe time is linear and everything is happening all at once. 

I am at once, unborn, 2, 10, 45 and 100. It's like Schrödinger's cat. 

Do not go further than that. Some things don't change. Alas.