strong in the broken places

I have 10001 books to read, but I am still fresh from jumping one ship to another (hahahaha). Fan fiction be the bane of my existence, or rather the existence of my literature mind.

Went out last night, and I mentioned that the timing and the weather surrounding the outing is a measurement of how much I actually treasure/love/whatever the person because as a rule of thumb, you don't see me outside after dark (during winter only) and when it's raining, of course you wouldn't because it means it is colder than it usually is (again during winter only).

(I still can't get over the fine like to be honest with anyone or my future self)

So we all went out last night to meet one of Jay's friend, one whom I met earlier this year. Jodi and I started talking and I mentioned that our dream here was so much like the much talked about American dream in the past. We were all (too) optimistic about the job prospects here, the life we intended to live and here we are, scrimmaging from day to day, hoping our work covers for the roof above our head, our stomachs and everything else included. I don't think I regret it at all, but if anything, I am tired of the life here where my life hangs on the balance on the number of hours I get each week.

I had a fighting spirit but with each day that passes, I feel a little more out of wear and it almost feels like I am fighting a losing battle.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET THE ABSOLUTE BITTERNESS OF HAVING A FINE WHEN I AM ALREADY JUST BARELY SCRAPING THROUGH.

...

I think maybe the point of this entry today is to rant about my bitterness. I think it's gonna be in my head till the infringement notice comes and 28 days passes thereafter.

On a sidenote, Jay was really sweet. She offered to lend me some money and bought me chocolates. But I don't think I want to accept any help especially when it's something that I could have easily circumvented by crossing the road to rid of that damned cigarette butt.

How do I break this news to my mother? "Hi Mother, just to let you know, no worries there, but I got caught littering just the other day. Oh no biggie, the amount is but only 300 dollars. Maybe more, maybe less. Can I go back now?"

But honestly, I never knew that they had a fine imposed on littering. I've been here for at least 5 years, 4 of which I was smoking I think, and never once in the whole entire time where I flung my cigarette butt all around that I got caught. And to be really honest, I thought I was doing the firemen a favour because their bins catches fire so easily with them lighted butts and seeing a huge ass fire engine in the background with 2 firemen in their full uniform putting out a fire..... in a bin...

Honest to God, I just thought that throwing it on the ground was less likely to catch a fire that would wipe out a city.

I guess not.

But of course. 300 fine for that ignorance.











SOBS